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Had A Very Interesting Night... (Off-Topic)

by Morpheus @, High Charity, Saturday, March 04, 2017, 07:24 (2609 days ago)

My mom is...not very good at parking her car. In fact, it's pretty terrible. For some intangible reason, she always pulls her car forward after she closes the garage door. 9 times out of 10, she places the car so flush against the door, the license plate gets stuck on it and the door jams. Over the years, it's broken the garage door twice and her plate is almost a V. So on one of those nights, I arrive from work and that happens. I go up to the front door and ring it, etc. It's pitch black so I can't see anything but the light through the window. She opens the door and as I walk in, I see an odd shadow in front of me. It disappeared immediately, so I figured it was my imagination. I park the car properly for her and go upstairs to my room. A few minutes later Mom screams bloody murder and she's knocking on my door saying there's a mouse on top of the cereal boxes on the fridge! Of course I wonder how a mouse could get that high, and I go downstairs to investigate, and lo and behold it wasn't a mouse at all.
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It was a little bird, smaller than the size of a fist! That's what that shadow was, it flying into the house. So I'm trying to figure out how to get it back outside! Nothing like this had ever happened before, and I had no clue how to get him out. Google wasn't any real help--it offered wacky and stupid solutions from gently caressing it in your hands and petting it(oh, and also a guide suggesting the exact opposite), to whistling a song Disney style, to throwing a sheet on it, even learning to live with it. Unfortunately for me, every single one of those articles had something in common--to close off the area the bird is in. The bad news is that my entire house is open floor. Downstairs, upstairs, the kitchen, living room, EVERYTHING. So I was tasked with finding my own solution. I opened the doors and was essentially forced to go up and down the stairs and throughout the whole house trying the coax the damn thing outside. And every single time it got close, like the blinds next to the front door or the TV console against the back, no matter what I did it would always 180 deeper inside(or upstairs) the house. I'm serious, it would literally be standing on the door and it kept turning around!

It took three and a half hours and the help or a local police officer to finally get it out of the house. I eventually found out how it got in in the first place. There's a small wreath that hangs on the door--turns out it actually built a little nest inside! And there were eggs!

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I moved the wreath over to a small tree and hung it up as best I could. The eggs are still intact, hopefully it comes back to their young. But this was certainly something different of a night!

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Jesus Christ

by Funkmon @, Saturday, March 04, 2017, 09:12 (2609 days ago) @ Morpheus
edited by Funkmon, Saturday, March 04, 2017, 09:16

This reads like an email forward meant to be a life affirming story after your wife died or something. What a roller coaster!

How did the 911 call go?

"911, what's your emergency?"

"There's a bird in my house."

"Like a Cassowary?"

"Like Woodstock"

"We'll send out the national guard. Find a safe place to hide until we arrive."

*Top tip. If you open the window, you save the bird, but don't disturb the nest in the garage or Joyce will know you've been snooping.

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It was night

by ZackDark @, Not behind you. NO! Don't look., Saturday, March 04, 2017, 15:02 (2609 days ago) @ Funkmon

Odds are the bird would never leave until the light outside is brighter than inside. I had a humming bird stuck in mine not once, but twice. Boy, is it stressing. Poor thing was exhausted by the time we managed to catch it (gorgeous little birds, I love the way their feathers shine), so we fed it a bit of sugared water and gently placed them on the outside of a window while closing it.

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Should have shot it.

by Funkmon @, Saturday, March 04, 2017, 15:26 (2609 days ago) @ ZackDark

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We don't do guns down here like you guys

by ZackDark @, Not behind you. NO! Don't look., Saturday, March 04, 2017, 16:17 (2609 days ago) @ Funkmon

Also, heh

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You are missing out

by unoudid @, Somewhere over the rainbow, Saturday, March 04, 2017, 16:21 (2609 days ago) @ ZackDark

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We don't do guns down here like you guys

by bluerunner @, Music City, Saturday, March 04, 2017, 16:54 (2609 days ago) @ ZackDark

Your cops are apparently still using 100 year old Madsens. That's old school cool.
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One morning as I was leaving for work I heard a thud when I opened my screen door. I looked slightly up and was nose to nose with a snake. Apparently he had somehow crawled up on the little ledge above the door, and when I opened the door he fell off. He was about 3-4 feet long. I dove backwards and screamed. If I had been carrying I probably would have shot my door up.

The door partially closed on him and he was flopping around trying to get in the house. I ran down to my garage and grabbed a rake. I managed to flip him off the door and onto the porch. He shot straight back toward the door.

It then became a running battle between me and the snake across my yard. I kept grabbing him with the rake and flipping him farther out in the yard. He kept racing back toward the house. By the time we got to the road I had enough. When he came back at me from the street I flipped the rake over and bashed his head.

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We don't do guns down here like you guys

by Revenant1988 ⌂ @, How do I forum?, Saturday, March 04, 2017, 18:50 (2609 days ago) @ bluerunner

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God I hope your kids saw.

by Funkmon @, Saturday, March 04, 2017, 19:11 (2609 days ago) @ bluerunner

That sounds like one of those "remember Dad and the snake?" stories they'll tell forever.

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God I hope your kids saw.

by bluerunner @, Music City, Saturday, March 04, 2017, 23:49 (2609 days ago) @ Funkmon

They had already left for school.

They will remember the night I tackled a Shetland pony and their mom drifted her SUV across a bridge to stop a bunch of loose horses.

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You're like Walker Texas Ranger.

by Funkmon @, Sunday, March 05, 2017, 00:26 (2609 days ago) @ bluerunner

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We don't do guns down here like you guys

by ZackDark @, Not behind you. NO! Don't look., Sunday, March 05, 2017, 02:17 (2609 days ago) @ bluerunner

Your cops are apparently still using 100 year old Madsens. That's old school cool.

It would be if it were on purpose, as opposed to budget constraint... Also, our regular beat cops having war weaponry is somewhat stressful, as opposed to cool, imho. (That dude is not a regular beat cop, but most have the same stuff as the guy on the right [that's an AR, right?])

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If it makes you feel better, cops in Greece carry SMGs.

by Funkmon @, Sunday, March 05, 2017, 09:57 (2608 days ago) @ ZackDark

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Oh Har Dee Har.

by Morpheus @, High Charity, Saturday, March 04, 2017, 17:29 (2609 days ago) @ Funkmon

For your information, I made sure to dial the non-emergency number after I gave up trying to chase it. He basically said the same thing, "Just wait until morning and have animal control pick it up".

Ugh.

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Oh my god you actually called the cops? I love you.

by Funkmon @, Saturday, March 04, 2017, 19:12 (2609 days ago) @ Morpheus

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NON-Emergency.

by Morpheus @, High Charity, Saturday, March 04, 2017, 21:05 (2609 days ago) @ Funkmon

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