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I love that the 'journalist' needs to appear in high heels and a bikini.

Heh, my first thought was, "She's a journalist. Riiiiiiight."

List of mistakes:

• Getting someone external to the team to talk about the game - doesn't build that personal relationship
  
• Dressing them up in a bikini, with heels, and heavy makeup, on the veranda of a beach house - doesn't make it look like you need money
  
• No past projects that are anything like a video game - no info on lead programmer in particular
  
• Name dropping big games without explaining how they inspired the project
  
• Awkward grammar in the descriptions
  
• Super generic hero

Did I miss anything?