Story Improvements (SP) (Gaming)

by Cody Miller , Music of the Spheres - Never Forgot, Saturday, May 14, 2016, 22:42 (2916 days ago) @ cheapLEY

While I thought the story was great and extremely well done for what it was, I had this little itch.

The main conflict for Drake was ostensibly that he'd be torn between a life of danger and adventure vs a normal life with Elena. This was played up a little bit, but I was never that convinced by that angle to the character, simply because I never felt like he was plausibly tempted into leaving his normal life.

It's established that Nate's really only doing it to save his brother, and as soon as he finds out his brother is not in danger should he not get the treasure, he loses interest in even finding it. This was pretty apparent even from the get go, and while Elena was hurt and disappointed, I feel like it'd have been worse had it not been for altruism.

What would I change to heighten this aspect of the conflict?

First of all, I would eliminate Drake's altruistic motive to save his brother and replace it with a selfish one. The twist involving Alcazar being a made up story was interesting, but didn't really take that well and didn't have many repercussions in the end. You could just have dropped that, because a plausible motive was already there: it was the treasure they'd been looking for all along. Nate's hope died with his brother, and now that his brother is alive his thirst for the treasure could be too. So have his brother come back, with a new clue, and tempt him to resume where he left off. Because this treasure was important to both of them and their mother, Nathan should simply take the job for selfish reasons.

This now makes his lying to and betrayal of Elena hit even harder.

I've heard some complaints that the last section of the game is too long, and I do agree there is a long stretch where no meaningful story progression happens. We could solve this by bringing back Chloe.

Nate could realize he needs extra help, and call on Chloe to assist. The two of them could get right back into things, and while rediscovering his love for adventure, he could also rediscover her. I always got the sense that she tapped into Nate's darker side. They could potentially (or actually!) start an affair. So, this could place doubts into his own head about Elena. He loves the life of adventure, and here's a woman who loves it too. Can he go back? Does he want to go back?

Now I think if that were done he'd actually be tempted both ways, and it would make all his subsequent decisions have more weight. I never got the sense he'd actually abandon Elena, but doing it this way would put that possibility on the table. This would also make the ending even better than it already is, since he'd have made the tough choice to leave it behind.

My two cents on improving an already wonderful tale.