It's been like this for years, dude. I live it all the time. (Fireteam Builder Events)

by General Vagueness , The Vault of Sass, Wednesday, March 25, 2015, 16:34 (3319 days ago) @ Revenant1988
edited by General Vagueness, Wednesday, March 25, 2015, 16:46

I know you were joking, but have we really gotten to the point in society where a male adult cannot express affection for spending time with another person's children without it having a connotation of pedophilia?

Yes.

No, it's possible for someone to take it as what it is-- I know I did until iconicbanana said something, and if I had thought differently, it wouldn't have been in a serious way, it would've been "hue hue pedos oh why did I go there again, freaking Internet, freaking me with my mind in high school mode".

I experience it frequently due to my job.

I can tell you it is the worst feeling of discrimination I've ever felt. As a man, it deeply saddens me to a degree that I just cannot explain in words.

At my job we provide tech services to school districts in the area. Sometimes to provide those services, I have to make house calls to classrooms.

Security is a huge concern these days due to 'stranger-dangers' and 'active shooters' so I usually know what I'm in store for.Make sure my uniform is easily identifiable, ID badge displayed in clear view, no strange packages other than my tools, etc. But even when I prepare, it still doesn't soften the encounters much.

God forbid a student engage me in casual conversation.

Sometimes its one of the worst things that can happen.

"Hey who are you?" (They're just being curious. They usually smile or wave)

Then I have to decide if it is better to answer them or just ignore them and keep going. I've had occasions where I've said "I'm the computer guy, and I'm here to fix Mrs.____'s computer so you guys can do homework and play games" and the student gets chastised by the teacher for talking to me (maybe rightly so as a general "don't talk to strangers rule, but I'm wearing 3 different goddamn badges that express what I'm here for fuckssake) or *I* get shoo'd by the teacher.

You mentioned the stranger thing, but on top of that I don't see what badges have to do with anything, you're there to fix the computer and they're there to learn, your jobs aren't supposed to intersect, and I know from experience a lot of kids will take any excuse to get distracted from classwork and good teachers will do everything they can to prevent that.

Or I'm just walking to my destination, and I can feel the eyes of the other adults burning a hole in me, sizing me up, watching my every move. Trying to figure out what to do.

It sucks.

Years ago I had a kid run into me in a crowded hallway once- He was maybe a 2nd grader. He fell and landed hard. He cried. My first instinct, to kneel down, see if he's ok, help him up.

Wrong call.

Teacher spazes, runs over, boxes me out like I'm doing something wrong, "THANKS I'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE PLEASE BE CAREFUL WHERE YOU'RE WALKING"

I felt like shit.

I know why she reacted why she did.

I understand it even.

Doesn't make it sting any less, even if I know and they know what my intentions are.

And I think about that stuff. What if it happened again? What if it were more serious? What if a kid got really hurt and got knocked out, or was bleeding, and I'm the nearest adult?

The politically correct answer is: Find another person of proper authority and let them figure it out. Just report it and move on. Or just keep walking.

Fuck that.

I'm a person of action. I'd want the same response if it were me, or my kid.

But I'm a male.

And because of that, I have to be 200% on guard, because once that kind of accusation is out there and directed at me, there is no going back, even if you've done absolutely nothing wrong.

So if I'm ever out in public and some kid gets hurt, I have to choose to do nothing. I have to choose to be selfish, and protect myself.

It's not a world I'm happy about living in.

If I'm sitting down working on a station, and a student engages me in conversation, wants to know why I'm pulling things out of a computer, or what that part does, or anything like that, I have to force myself to ignore them.

I've been told to ignore them.

That's not how it was when I was a kid, when I could ask a visitor about their job and maybe learn something I had questions about, you know, being inquisitive?

When I was a kid my mom or my teacher would most likely tell me to get back to my homework or go play and not bother the man trying to do his job. I do think encouraging kids to ask questions is very important, though.

For a few years I had a motorcycle, and when I'd have a site visit, I'd take it out. You know what kids like a lot? Motorcycles. I might as well have had a neon sign over my head that said "free candy" when I carried my helmet it. Every kid wants to ask you about it.

IT got to a point where I wouldn't go to classrooms on days I took my bike, just so I wouldn't invite the conversation.

Maybe this is obvious to a motorcycle owner, but why would you carry your helmet with you the whole time? That just seems really inconvenient, is there not any other way to make sure it's not stolen?

Just ignore them and say nothing. Being friendly could be misconstrued as much, much worse.

This world.....BARF.

Even the phrasing was pretty natural. When kids have fun, they generally call it playing. To >say "I enjoy playing with kids" shouldn't be automatically affiliated with deviant behavior.

At the same time, I understand that adult males are the chief perpetrators of the type of crime connoted. Given that, I understand why the stereotype exists for males, but it seems like we ought to have better ways to react to this without going down that road. I read North's post and took it for what it meant. Perhaps I'm naive.

I hope this doesn't come across as too knee-jerk, but it is something that has bothered me >for a while about our culture's language and how innuendo limits the ability of cross >generational friendship.

We live in a politically correct society. The cost of tip-toeing around every subject for fear of offending someone is far too high for what it is supposedly worth.

So, don't? The thing about fear and discomfort is they're in your head. I doubt people are as scared of you as you think they are, but even if they are, that's their problem. Being careful is still good advice, especially for dealing with kids, but as long as you are careful, worrying doesn't do anyone any good, and neither does thinking again and again about how bad your situation is.
If someone freaks out about you responding when someone says "hi", that's their problem. If someone freaks out when you help a hurt kid, they're becoming a problem. If you let that stop you from being polite and helpful, then you're letting yourself become a problem. If the danger of losing your job is as real as you think it is... then you're in a difficult situation, and maybe you should be more careful than is strictly reasonable, but worrying still won't help anything.