Why Hunters are Hunters

Have you ever wondered why hunters are stuck up? Why they always try to one up Titans and warlocks? Why they never take anything seriously? As a warlock I always thought they were just asses for the sake of it. But, if you get a hunter a little drunk their explanation will shock you. If you think about it it is a decent reason. In fact I couldn’t believe what the drill bit said! It was one week ago today…


“Oh god…” I mumbled to myself. That hunter… All he does is joke around and make fun of everybody. And all the hunters just eat that crap up. I come to this bar to relax, now how can I do that? I just came back from Mars…SHIT! He’s about to sit next to me! Push him away, do something…!

“Hey there Desmond.”
Desmond was a tallish man with long dark brown hair, small lips, big ears, and a medium sized nose. I had short blonde hair, and blue eyes.

Now I’ve done it.

“Hi there! How was Mars without your favorite firetrap member Max? Ha! Nobody to carry you?”
Last mission I broke my leg and he had to carry me out of the vex citadel

I gave him one of those “Shut up” looks and bought us some drinks.

“No, but I got valuable info. We may have to infiltrate Valus’s land tank.”

“No problem for a real guardian, me I mean. Hey bartender, may I get another?”

The next five minutes went like this. “You suck!” “I’m great!” ” Let’s down another one.” I sat there and waited for  Desmond to pass out so I could make my escape. Sadly his tolerance for alcohol was greater than a phalanx’s sheild had a tolerance for ammo. I’d be stuck there a while.

After an hour of waiting and drinking water, Desmond was getting even dumber than usual. I decided that I would feed him more booze until he passed out.
“Here, this one’s on me!” I said knowing I’d be broke by the time he he od’d.
“Did you know, I only drink,hiccup! Because I still hear the screams of fallen. It is tha only way to rake them sit up!”
By this point I knew he was truthful drunk. I’d take the advantage to get some dirt on him.
” What did you actually do when we saw Phogoth, and we couldn’t find you?”
To my surprise he replied.
“I ran and hid, like a coward, but don,t tell anyone! Shhhh.”
It was slurred as hell but I want him to pay me back my glimmer.
“How was your childhood? You say you lived outside the city in an old, brutally hot town? It was horrible correct? At least, that’s what you told me.”
“Nope. I was born inside the city. Me dad is the C.E.O. of Hakke. Life was awesome before, hiccup! Before ghost found me.”
I kept digging up dirt on him, lots of lies, and horribly embarrassing things. Now I regret my attempts at blackmail. I’ll never unhear that. Some hunters were being idiots.
“Why do hunters have to be so I Matured?” I mumbled.
Desmond responded to that clearly retorical question.
“So we give the people something to hate, besides warlocks, Titans, and most of all the speaker.”
“That’s stupid Desmond. I’ll take you home.”
“No! You wanted to now, I’ll tell ya.”
“Please no.”
“Too late you opened Pandorra’s box. It hurts to say it, but earthlings will always find some reason to be mad about something, hiccup! So give them a reason to be mad.”
“That is indeed the stupidest thing you have said.”
“You distract the people from actual reasons to rebel, weather that reason is in their mind or not, and distract their dumb thoughts with something to be mad at but won’t fight back. Like an authority figure. The United States, China, their police were annoying before twilight gap, but no matter what kind of police brutality happened, like a kid mad at it’s parents, won’t fight if they believe they are an authority figure. By being stupid, and being champion battle runners, they are afraid of what could happen if we get serious. You feel me Max?”
I looked at him stupidly.
“Whatever, you just want to look good. Mice story but,”
“I didn’t think of it. Shin Malphur did. Remember the first outside settlement of the city? Run entirely by Titans? The lovable soldiers of the light all got butchered by civilians because they weren’t afraid. Or the French Revolution when the cowards in the castle would run crying from battles. King Luie and his wife didn’t last much longer.”
I thought about what he said for a little bit. He was right…I didn’t want to admit it but that’s clever. A recent study did say that a typical hunter’s I.Q. was over 189. I couldn’t believe that the hunter order actually protected the city from the inside. Before I left, I paid for our drinks, and Desmond said,
“We also act like this because it’s fun as hell. Like being a kid. Ha! Good chat Max, see ya on Mars.”
“See you too.”

The next day I found Cyde yelling at Desmond. After the convorsation Cyde ran to me.
“So yeah. Remember last night?”
I quickly replied, “Yes, why?”
“Because last night didn’t happen got it? I’ll pay you so much glimmer to forget deal?”
“Sure, I’m honored to hold the hunter’s secret.”
“Wow…A warlock honored, to be included in something involving hunters. It’s a cold day in hell.”

As warlocks, hunters a heap of scrap metal used for recon and distracting the enemy to us. They joke around about killing, and occasionally for some reason, torture. To me, the protect the city with only good intentions, and anything they get out of it will be put to use to protect the traveler. They have made many sacrifices, and truly are heroes.


One Response to Why Hunters are Hunters

  1. Bad Karma May 16, 2016 at 3:05 pm #

    Hunters…. The master race

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