An Europan Christmas (Destiny)

by Ragashingo , Official DBO Cryptarch, Tuesday, December 24, 2013, 23:11 (3775 days ago) @ Hawki

There was a lot to like about this story!

I liked:

- The way you integrated so much of what we know about Destiny. From making the Queen of the Reef a plausible figure, to referencing Glimmer as the currency humanity now runs on. There were a lot of good bits that only someone following Destiny would know to include.
- The tension between your Human and Awoken. We don't know if there will be tension between the three starting races yet, but it seems unlikely everyone is perfectly happy with each other.
- The story as a whole. Guardians venturing out seeking treasure and finding something unexpected seems to me what Destiny is all about! That you got the details right, like Europa's distance and gravity correct made me smile. As did the treasure being something other than lost technology.

The one main issue I had with the story was the extent with which Hal tore into his two teammates. They've been fighting together for a year but issues of leadership, following orders, who represents the team for the purpose of making deals never came up before? Was Hal just super double abrasive because he was pulled away from his significant other right before Christmas? If he acted like that all the time I couldn't see him being able to hold onto a team! Artemis taking being called "not human" so personally also seems like it would have come up in the previous year too.

Another thing that bothered me a bit that you mentioned Alli by name in the first paragraph but didn't tell me who (or what) she was for another paragraph and a half. The characters Hal and Artemis both knew who Alli was, but I the reader didn't so the lack of information was a bit disconcerting, especially on my first read throughs.

Still, that said, I enjoyed the adventuresome scope your story had and detail you put into it. Well done! :)