I don't know if y'all are young or just have short memories. (Gaming)

by Vortech , A Fourth Wheel, Friday, April 27, 2018, 09:24 (2407 days ago) @ Cody Miller

But games these days don't even launch without a certain level of polish. I assume we are discounting any shareware stuff, and I'll just list stuff I think I still have a box or cartridge around here for.

Dakatana - Even if John Romero had not made this sound like the second coming of Jesus before launch the delays and budget overruns and just bag gameplay and visuals would have made it bad. The hubris, though, made me buy it even knowing it would be terrible.

Superman 64 must be around here somewhere. Do you want to fly around being Superman? NO YOU DON'T and this game will prove it to you using upwards of 40 polygons and one single mechanic: Fly through a ring in 3 dimensional space using 2 dimensional controls.

Custers revenge - I'm already breaking my rules about cartridge ownership, but I do have the ROM. This was an Atari 2600 game where you sprint around a sparse cactus forest dodging arrows shot by Native Americans. That's pretty basic and repetitive, not to mention somewhat problematic for today's audience and may affect your enjoyme…Oh no, look: now you are naked and suffering priapism now the game has you rape a woman who is tied to a cactus. What the actual fuck? The worst part is I know I played this as a kid and don't remember it at all so now it's a coin flip whether I repressed the memory as too awful and it sits in my brain waiting to explode, or if I blithely didn't understand what was happening.

I don't still have it, but as long as I'm complaining about old games I had as a kid,
Any of the Philips CD-i Nintendo games, where you played as off-model Mario or Zelda where the game was laggy, the hit detection was lousy and they rendered FMV scenes animated from MS Paint drawings as a "reward". Ugh. Pure nightmare fuel.

As opposed to the best/worst, Thunder in paradise, the FMV game! Press a button to watch me drive a boat, brother!