(Review) SPOILERS Star Wars IX - The Waste of Time SPOILERS (Off-Topic)

by INSANEdrive, ಥ_ಥ | f(ಠ‿↼)z | ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ| ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, Friday, December 20, 2019, 16:00 (1581 days ago) @ INSANEdrive

Its the 18th of December, 2019. The reviews are out. 5X% when tallied among the professional critics of movies and cinema.

Disney finally killed it, quotes our very own. I reading & watching all shades of these reviews, both good and bad, and knowing something so hyperbole may very well be true. A smattering of these reviews are absolutely BRUTAL, often mentioning recurring themes in a plot-stuffed “goodbye” so quick in its tempo, that it's laborious to get through.

I feel nothing, and in fact I expected as much. I knew this was going to happen, and in some capacity you probably did too. There may be differences, in fact its safe to say there are, on that why, but... it doesn't matter anymore. Be you in agreement or not.

All of this isn't even a little surprising. Proposing & Producing a trilogy without a trilogy written, then giving it to three different writers and allowing them to do whatever they wanted was at default not going to end well. At least that’s what I recollect being “the plan” from published sources. For the sake of being through and double checking, I did try to look and find that almost decade old morsel, but I could not seem to find it. I did find that George always had a plan of sorts, if abit rough around the edges. I also found that these morsels were eventually incorporated in a scattered fashion throughout the released Disney Star Wars films to date. I also found this source here on a starwars focused forum about The Development of the Sequel Trilogy which may bare more fruit if you can bare the at least 100 pages of posts. One post quoted here I think made a good summarizeable point.

They were under a time crunch that Marvel didn't have. Disney announced a release date at the same time they released that they were buying LFL.

Shareholder happiness > Proper development time

But I could not seem to find the original published official response to “Here is how we plan to make the next three movies in the SKYWALKER Saga” in the time I gave myself to do it. Kinda meta, actually. I did learn thought that apparently part of the deal from Lucas giving Starwars to Disney was requiring Kathleen Kennedy to be at the helm of it. So I guess all that means we can blame Lucas for the Sequels too. :P

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So... Now then... where was I? Right! (Everything is on Fire. This is fine.)

With these reviews in the pocket, I walked into the theater clean. Not just of any ambitions, but of any so called leaks either. After all, that's why I had yet again fought so hard to see this as early as possible, as soon as I could. I was finishing what I started, but in a state I could have perhaps never expected. I’m not just CLEAN my friends, I don’t care. The fact that this was a so called end to a trilogy was, and frankly is, totally utterly irrelevant. There is no trilogy. This is a Standalone Star Wars Film in a bubble. Ray? Flinn? …uh… whatever the other names are. Whatever. Doesn’t matter.

It’s a-bunch-of-freek’n-misfits-trying-to-scrounge-up-something-of-a-resistance-. . . bad-men-with-big-ships-THE-MOVIE, I guess. Cool.

Why? You know why, both long term and immediate. It’s the Shakespearean 800 Pound Gorilla Shit fight. The mono-optic toddler crying in the airplane that some how got its piss covered hands on the cockpit controls. Such a moment of circumstance is so important. If its temper tantrum, its RIDICULOUSLY smug sense of fuck you I do what I want, its utter blindness of actions having consequences was made during lift off or landing, then at least the damage could have been mitigated. Shoot! It might have even worked out thanks to the magic of 40 years of thematic resonance built into the SKYWALKER auto plot for the SKYWALKER Saga. Yet this toddler made this play while in the air, and now not only are we so off course in any capacity to an over arching (a three movie built) plot, character development or relationships, of even having a proper solid villain – WITH A PLAN – WITH A PLAN, that as we crashed and burned in this sea of errors spewing from our exhaust port, surviving it at all was the greatest success one could even possibly hope for. Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker just didn’t have enough time to unfuck what they had to follow. It’s just all irrelevant.

HA! I get the joke now. 7 8 9. Man, can we just call this a Cannibal Trilogy and call it a day? Shit. Maybe… maybe this is why planning is important? Nahh. No one could have known! It’s not like a billion blillon dollar company could actually learn from history right?! Would actually CARE about the quality they keep? The Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001 – 2003) is just as good as The Hobbit *ahem* Trilogy (2012 – 2014) right!?

As long as it makes actual Dump Trucks made out of actual money, with money in them.

So with no beginning, no end, and my seat simply being a window for me to just peak my head through the portal of another world... What did this ol’ Starwars Fan see?

This movie is the closest I expect to see the “Legends” Expanded Universe on the big screen any time soon. There were some SOLID actual STAR WARS motifs in this film, and I’m not talking about that fan-bait member-berry nonsense. I wonder if I can list this out from memory with only one initial viewing under my belt. I’m going to do.

• A Sith fighting for an item of power, which I thought a Holocron at the time, leading to dark corners of the galaxy, the Unknown reaches of Space, to a Sith World, drenched in the Dark Side of the force. This is how the sequels should have started, but alas, this is the necessary end of a limping dog.
  
• An honest to goodness resistance moment, which to me felt very 1940 Paris to me, in a way. No corner is safe, and any safety is made through friends or old-foes who each only want to survive.
  
• Old relics etched with forbidden inscriptions, leading to whatever may lead. And hey, everything is more fun when old dark languages are involved right?

(And that is just what I recollect at the moment.)

It’s an old Galaxy. A long time ago. Far far away. It’s like Europe or Britannia or 'MURICA building over some Indian Burial Ground something. The present bumping into the past, all mixed together into some kind of galactic stew.

And EVERYONE, big, small, main, secondary, tertiary... has a name and a history. THIS is STARWARS.

Then with all this you place on top the quintessential cherry above it all... personal conflict. Not just personal conflict, but personal conflict made more obvious, more potent, more real to the viewer thanks to The Force. A light that only story can see, can speak of. Speak words into things that are hard to say but we ALL know. With the choice made with Rey, the personal conflict within, what can I do but lament of what this could have been… I wish could have been… explored more. I say again, these elements within Star Wars IX: Rise of Skywalker is how the sequels should have started. I wish I wish I wish that instead of jacking our chain with an abundance of mystery boxes unsolved, we could have started off running.

Alas these choices made to what could have been.

---------

I've had a theory (and yeah I know, ignore the joke of hope). My theory, coming into this…

(which is basically saying this is how I would have written it in since it could have been, I suppose, anything)

...was that Rey was an old Palpatine experiment. A clone made to be powerful in the force (high Midi-chlorian count). Dropped off on different worlds and forced to endure a Darwinian existence that Sith just go bananas for, before being eventually collected for… something? Not only would it explain everything in accordance to the rules built within the first six of the SKYWALKER saga, but it would jive with this as well.

Her parents then could be nobody, and anybody. She would have to rely on her self and be her own parent. It all works. That was my theory, for whatever good it could have done.

So I must then say I did not even consider the possibility for what they wrote it to be, to which I must enact Space Godwin's law. Imagine your last name was Hitler (or Schicklegruber or Hiedler). Holy shit. That’s one ‘ell of a conflict. It’s the sins of our fathers angle, which is always Juicy. So when your grandfather happens to be a undead evil space wizard, WELL! I wish we had more time. THAT’S INTERESTING! I would have LOVED to seen that explored more! That is some SPECTACULAR conflict. Not just in Who am I? But in finding out and going – Oh shit, now I know. I don’t like this. What does this mean!?? Am I evil? Do I have a choice? Its the sins of our blood and it’s BLOODY FANTASTIC!

What frek’n waste.

There just was no more time left.

There just was no more time left.

There just was no more time left.

And you know why.

Of time, let us move on to speak of pace. This is a Movie in a hurry. And yes in many ways it’s bad – but you already knew that. The sliver lining though is that this movie abhors nonsense (which may have a touch of irony thanks to all the plot holes). It’s straight to the point, as it expositions its self of what it does not have time to show. I found the movie to be very matter of fact with what it had to work with, and this approach helped blunt some of the shortcomings with an appearance of self awareness. I mean, at least Chewie finally got a medal by not dieing and stuff... I guess.

It's 50/50. Your mood in the moment may effect enjoyment more then others. Just hold on tight, and try not to hit your head.

Oh and get this, it’s actually funny every now and again. It actually got the occasional chuckle out of me, which is surprising since timing trends to be rather important for that humor thing. That was a nice plus. Oh! And CP3-0 was relevant to the plot. That was nice. I liked that.

And I uh… I had fun. I tell ya I had no expectation of that. Left the theater with an overall smile, had a burger and a shake. It was good ev’in.

In conclusion, with what they had to work with, they did a good enough job. The end. Whatever.

But wait... what about what they didn't get right. What didn't you like? TO which I rebut... Why? It's done. It doesn't matter. Palpy got some and had a kid and a kid? Sure. He can flat out EMP nuke with his fingertips, but a simple lightsaber can stop it? Whaaa? SUCK the frek'n life force out of folks and... whatever. SHRUG. Whatever. The Knights of Ren are... there? Eh. Whatever. ... It doesn't matter. No more than The Last Airbender does for the Avatar: The Last Airbender.

I had fun. I did not leave the theater indifferent, or befuddled. With what I've received what more can I ask for. More time? Ha! I made me laugh.

For these sequels, well, it was over before it even begin.