Grind is in the eye of the beholder (Destiny)

by Kermit , Raleigh, NC, Monday, July 01, 2019, 08:16 (1991 days ago) @ Claude Errera

I'm not going to argue the point of whether storytelling is better or worse the first time - I don't think there's an answer to that question. I wanted to address this, though, because I thought about it before you wrote it down, but never got around to discussing it - and yet here it is:

It's as if a person says they don't like salt--a chef might want to drill down into that, suggest that the value of salt might not be casually dismissed--I mean, have you ever had salted chocolate?

This is the sort of argument that really, really bothers me. (Not salt, per se - but "you're missing out on X".) I hate mushrooms. I've almost always hated mushrooms. The only exceptions to this rule, in almost 50 years of consciously hating mushrooms (I started in grade school), are mushrooms that have no taste - the only ones I can think of are the long, stringy ones in hot and sour soup (they might have a mild taste, but it's completely buried by the spice of the soup, and all that's left is the texture, which doesn't bother me).

This completely consistent disgust is nevertheless second-guessed by every mushroom lover I've ever met. "Oh, you just haven't tried the right ones." "Oh, you just haven't had them prepared properly." "Oh, you're missing the glorious foods you can create with them."

No. No, no, and no. You're all wrong, and I'm tired of having to say it. I know me better than you know me, and I'd really appreciate it if you'd just stop trying to get me to change my mind on something that is this deeply set in stone. I don't like them, any of them, I can taste them in the foods you think you're hiding them in, and you're ruining those foods for me. ("I didn't think you'd notice.") Yes, they have a smell (even the button ones), and yes, that smell ruins my appetite. Period.

Do NOT tell me I can't "casually dismiss" them - I'm not. It's a long-term, highly-thought-out dismissal, and I'd thank you to not insult me by assuming otherwise.

Wow, the people who are forcing mushrooms on you or otherwise belittling your preferences are jerks. To be clear, so is anyone who disrespects people for not liking salt, spoilers, or The Last Jedi (the latter perhaps because they’re so enamored of their own wokeness that they automatically assume that anyone who dislikes that movie dislikes it for sexist reasons). The reason why people dislike something matters, and as Cody points out, some reasons are better than others. Let’s assume the chef is acting in good faith by (gently!) asking what you don’t like about salt. Knowing food as she does she realizes that cooking without salt is a major compromise that affects all the flavors in a meal. She might discover that you dislike salt because you were forced to eat at Crackerbarrel every Sunday of your childhood. She might rightfully conclude that salt itself might not be your issue, so much as salt being the dominant flavor of everything. A respectful conversation might be helpful to you both—you, in that it helps you better understand your own preferences, and her, in that she can prepare a more flavorful meal for you than she might have if she’d just taken your dislike of salt at face value.

I shouldn’t have used “casually dismiss” the way I did. Cruel did not casually dismiss discovery or curiosity—he gave a thoughtful justification for his preferences: those things distract him from other things he likes. If I may present another (silly) food comparison, maybe someone doesn’t like solid food because they allow themselves to chew only three times after they put something in their mouth. I believe that good stories—to get the most out of them—are best when “consumed” multiple times (a decade break between can yield marvelous treasures). Given Cruel’s justification, I intended only to raise the possibility that he doesn’t have to choose which aspects to enjoy.

Another theory I have about stories is that they are essentially portable life experiences that can be shared between people. Part of life is surprise and curiosity about what happens next. Some people might not like surprise and like knowing exactly what’s going to happen. Others may so crave surprise or obsess about what might happen that they can’t appreciate the small moments in the present. It’s not disrespectful to suggest there is value all along that continuum.